More on Dr. Waite and marraige:
First off, Waite, with
Maggie Gallagher wrote a book entitled
"The Case for Marraige: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially". I've never heard of this book, but from the title, I am able to safely make an educated assumption about what Dr. Waite thinks about the hallowed institution of marraige, namely, that it really is all that and a bag of chips.
Which it's not. Simply, it's not. And this issue shows once again the basic fallacy that reoccurs frequently in any social commentary written by a conservative (with a few notable exceptions, like
Andrew Sullivan). They assume, falsely, that everyone is the same and that, more importantly, everyone has the same values. And these values stay up late and watch Sesame Street a lot. I quote from an article by Gallagher published on the
Independent Women's Forum.
Marriage is a public act by which private lovers try to create a tie so firm that a child's heart can rely upon it. It is a spiritual, moral, economic, sexual, child-rearing, and legal public union, and therefore, as an ideal, it is as popular today as it ever has been. But one of the reasons that fewer Americans have lasting marriages is precisely because we have retreated from these understandings of marriage and have tried to strip it down to a private, emotional relationship.
And here is where they make a huge logical error. Marriage is not for the children. Yes, they benefit from a marriage, and it is important, when considering divorce, to consider what impact it will have on the children, but it is important, first and foremost, to remember that everyone, married people included, is an individual, and that they must live for themselves. I suppose I'm being slightly like Ayn Rand in this, but within a marriage, the individual is the most important part. The whole is neither more nor less nor equal to the sum of the parts. Although the ties that bind two married people are huge and complex, the indivdual person still stands out as the most important aspect of the marriage. To lose ones self in a marriage is not healthy. To sacrafice one's individuality for the "sake of the children" is a foolish, foolish way of justifying a marriage. If the indivdual is not enhanced by the relationship, then the individual needs to get out.
Marriage is a public act, in that it is a legally binding pledge, but that public aspect is merely the framework erected around a private commitment. Theoretically, without the legal aspect, marriage would be no less strong. Two people who are in love would hopefully be so even if their love could not be examined in a court of law.
Other Resources:
Course Outline for Sociology Class
Conservative Interpretation of Waite's Work